Turkey Fight It has been a while since I posted. My life has been a wondrous example of trying new things and fighting with yourself as to whether or not I have made the right choice. I am a creature who does not mind change as long as it is not a waste of my time. Not because I feel that I have better things to do but because I believe you only get one chance at life and I would hate to think I missed out on something glorious in exchange for dreadful memories and lost opportunities.
Yes I am a control freak who wants everything to be right...not perfect..right. I want all my outcomes to have happy endings. I will put 110% into everything I do but you'd better reciprocate!
Now that you've decided I have finally fallen off the rocker and am now rolling around the floor in search of a one way ticket to a nicely padded room listen to my latest adventure.
I have gone back to school.
Not evening classes or a few interesting courses to fill my dwindling spare time, but full time school/college/hall of enlightenment/hell. I have yet to choose the correct terminology.
I am enrolled in the Environmental Science Degree program at the NSAC. I sit in class morning to night (and on Tuesday and Thursday NIGHT) with a room full of students. Most of them have not even entered their 2nd decade of life and I push the limits of my aging rust covered brain to keep up.
I have to admit there are some phenomenal young people in my classes. I am nice to them...they may be responsible for my care when I become old and infirm!
All joking aside, it has been a rocky transition. Some of it has been really rough. I constantly second guess myself and wonder if the effort is worth the reward. I watch my class mates and try and draw strength from them in their more relaxed approach to life. Whether it is time or age ( maybe both ) that has made me unable to just accept that I can not know it all (calculus and Statistics shattered that one...and really who NEEDS to understand those???) but I try to just let it flow a bit more easily. Old habits die hard and perhaps I can not change my nature. It is like there is a competition with myself that can not rest unless I can intimately understand every nuance of the class.
It also makes me the single largest consumer of migraine medicine in the nation. I envy my younger classmates ability to leave their assignments and reports til the night before. I am a nervous wreck from the moment I receive the challenge to the nanosecond I drop it in the professors hands.
So much like the turkeys above, I feel very much like my practical side is warring with my intellectual side that thirsts for knowledge. Who is going to win? Right now the Big Brain is pounding the practical house mouse. I am running on minimum sleep and if I drank coffee and energy drinks I would be spouting fire from my ears. Instead I slowly putter about fueled by water and sunflower seeds. Great diet for a Starling, not so great for a Domestic Goddess!
It is pretty bad when my daughter tells me to go to bed and her best friend tells me "you look really tired ". Maybe it is time to listen to the younger generation and hit the pillows. I think I will do that, after I read a few more pages of my Chem text...........
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