Crystal Fullerton Fine Art

Work in Progress - Hard to Handle

The photo that inspired this painting (still a work in progress) is one I took at the Truro Racetrack during last years Atlantic Grand Circuit week. I have several pieces all based on that days shooting. The photo is one of extremes. Everything about it is VERY extreme. The lighting and shadows are in no way subtle and the whole feel of the photo is of tension, expression and conflict. The extreme amount of tack and lack of natural freedoms jars our desire for everything to appear happy and joyful.

It has been sitting on the floor of my studio for several months now.

I hated it. I hated looking at it in its blocked in form. I hated the idea of it. I hated the colour, cold grey and unnatural. I just hated it, no exceptions. Black and white, all lines drawn, total disgust in your face raw emotion.

Last night I tackled it refusing to stop until I wrestled with its demons. I never got to bed until well into the early morning hours. I battled with this piece shoving paint around the canvas, filling in emotionally wronged spots and creating a life force in a piece full of strife and potential combat.

I took advantage of my late night activities to watch the Persiad Asteroid Meteor shower and fancifully wished upon a falling star. I also bought a Lotto Max ticket with hopes that maybe August 13th, Friday the 13th, will yield something positive for even a moment.

I like this painting now that it is starting to appear in a "recognizable" form. I think it was just the initial look that was so close to my personal feelings of aggravation and longing to do something I am good at rather than having to bite my tongue while the well heeled response of "NO" curtailed my ability to do something positive.

I can relate to this horse. I understand its desire to be the best at what it was bred to be but having to deal with societies restraints to control and predetermine thier version of a perfect outcome. Any of my close friends will understand where most of this rant is coming from. The last couple of years have been complete dreck with a few shining moments and this painting feels like a bit of a "Eureka" thing.

A close friend who has bailed me out of more than a few messes laughed at me today and told me to "Stopping fighting it. You can't win and just relax." Normally I would have told her to stuff it in a very physically inappropriate area and she, being one of the very few people I trust enough to actually express myself openly with, would respond in an equally appropriate manner!

You gotta love honest people. You know where they stand and your place by them. I think that is why I love working with animals so much. If they do not like you they let you know instanteously. You get kicked, bitten or run down. Humans need to learn a few barnyard lessons.

I have been in the wrong barnyard!

All I know is I have decided that I refuse to play in that sandbox anymore. I am leaving emotionally retarded individuals behind heading for the open plains and rather like the subject of this painting pretty soon I am going to be running my own race and leaving the rest behind.

You can only hold back a good horse so long. They are too hard to handle if you fight them and when you leave an individual alone to do what nature intended them to do you usually get a thing of beauty.

I will keep you all posted to see if this painting, like my life becomes a thing of beauty.